Torchwood April Fools
by enigma-kar
Summary: It's April the 1st and the Torchwood team gang up on Jack to prank him. However, Jack doesn't let them get away with it that easily... Might be a bit OOC
1. Jack the Fool

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing! All characters are the creation of RTD and the BBC (Although, seeing as you're reading this, I bet you already knew that)

_Ok, so I know that April the 1st is ages away, but I'm up to my eyes in study and probabaly wouldn't have got any other chance to post this. :) More will be coming (when I get around it it), as I work my way through the various pranks pulled on the remaining characters. First up is Jack, follwed by Owen, then Gwen, then Tosh and then Ianto. _

_So hopefully they'll all be done by April 1, just thought I'd get in early. _

_Enjoy!_

* * *

Jack

It was a normal day at Torchwood on the 1st of April. At least it was at 6.00 in the morning when Ianto arrived at work.

Knowing it wouldn't be long before Jack was up and Ianto would be distracted, the Welshmen set about making his Captain his first cup of coffee.

Five minutes later and carrying a fresh cup of Jack's favourite brew, Ianto used his spare hand to knock before opening the door to the boss's office.

"Morning sir." Ianto said with a smile, placing the steaming mug down on the desk.

Jack looked up from what appeared to be paperwork and smiled. "Mmm, thanks Ianto!" he wrapped his hands around the cup and took a sip. "Perfect as usual."

"Thank you, sir."

"And, how many times have I told you to -"

"To drop the sir." Ianto finished.

"Exactly." Jack said after another sip of coffee.

"Well, I know how much you like it when I address you like that."

Jack flashed his trade-mark grin. "And I know how much you liked it when I run my tongue -"

"That's enough, Jack." Ianto said firmly, causing the older man to pout. "The others will be here soon anyway."

Jack simply put further emphasis on his pout until Ianto couldn't take it anymore. He closed the distance between the two of them and crushed his lips against Jack's.

The kiss deepened until Jack groaned and Ianto knew it was time to stop.

"I'd better go brew that coffee." Ianto said, slightly breathless.

Jack nodded. "Don't forget to bring me up some more later." he winked.

"Of course, sir. I never forget."

Ianto left Jack's office, a small smile on his face. His Captain hadn't noticed what day it was... yet.

* * * * *

It wasn't long before Tosh and Gwen arrived, the latter chattering animatedly; while Tosh giggled. Jack emerged from his office to greet them.

"Morning, Ladies." he smiled. "Tosh, could you run that scan on the software we acquired yesterday. I'm thinking it's not your usual piece of programming."

"Sure thing, Jack."

"Gwen, can you send another email to UNIT with an excuse about why we cannot look after those spidery mouse things."

"Another one?" Gwen raised her eyebrows.

"Well they didn't believe you when you said we didn't have the room." Jack replied. "Just do whatever you can to make sure we don't get landed with them."

"Ok." Gwen said, turning around. "You and your phobias, Jack." she muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, just getting onto it now."

"Right." Jack nodded, retreating back to his office.

Ianto appeared and gave each of the girls their own brew. He gave a small wink, to which both Tosh and Gwen gave a nod.

Typically, Owen arrived later. When Ianto gave him his morning brew, the medic, too, managed a small nod.

* * * * *

An hour and another round of coffees later, Jack was sitting in his office, glaring at the pile of paperwork and thinking of ways he could get Ianto to do it.

A few seconds later, Jack was walking out of his office and off to find the Welshman. He'd almost made it to the rolling cog door, when Tosh shouted.

"Jack! I think you'll want to see this."

"What?" Jack said, disappointed at not being able to go and find his favourite teaboy.

"Um, just come and see."

The cog door suddenly opened and Ianto dashed out, almost running into Jack.

"Whoa, Yan. What is it?"

"Jack! You've got to see this." The Welshman was clearly put out.

"Jack!" Tosh shouted now. "Here, I've got it on the screen."

Jack and Ianto ran up to Tosh's workstation, closely followed by Gwen and Owen.

"What the bloody hell is that?" Owen stated.

"Oh my god! It's him!" Jack's eyes were glued to the clear picture of the TARDIS, parked in front of the Water Tower.

"Who?" Gwen asked, frowning.

"I've gotta go." Jack suddenly said, tearing his eyes away from the screen.

Ianto opened his mouth to argue.

"I'm coming back, ok." Jack said, before pressing a kiss to Ianto's forehead. "Promise."

"Ok." the Welshman agreed, rather reluctantly. "Don't keep him waiting."

"Thanks. I'll be back soon. Time machine, remember" Jack took one last look around the Hub, smiling at his team in turn, before dashing out the door, towards his Doctor.

* * * * *

As soon as the sound of his footsteps had faded, Tosh, Gwen, Ianto and Owen all burst out laughing.

"Oh, well done Jones!" Owen said, clapping him on the back.

"After this morning, he didn't even notice the date!" Ianto smiled, slightly proud of himself.

"I doubt he even knows what the date means, mate." Owen replied.

"Lovely acting, everyone!" Gwen said, with a grin.

"Come on, we're gunna miss the show!" Tosh reminded them and they all turned their attention back to the screen.

"You've got the sound on?" Owen asked.

"Of course." Tosh replied as though it were a stupid question.

On the screen the small figure of Jack could be seen running towards the blue box. He halted in front of it and Gwen asked Tosh to zoom in.

They all stifled their laughs as they watched Jack bang on the door for about 2 minutes.

"Oh, this is priceless!" Owen exclaimed. "You'd better be recording this."

Tosh gave him a look which clearly said, "Of course I am, you twit!"

Owen smiled a brief apology.

"Ooh! This is the best bit." Ianto said, the laughter clear in his voice.

They all watched as Jack brought up a key and attempted to open the TARDIS.

Of course, it didn't fit. The team watched as Jack, for about 5 minutes, did everything he could to get the key to fit.

"You can tell he's getting annoyed now." Gwen said.

"Probably wondering why the Doctor isn't letting him in." Tosh added.

"Alright, Ianto." Owen said after watching Jack struggle for another minute. "Open the door."

"He's so going to hate us for this." Ianto commented, before typing the command into the computer.

They watched on screen, and Jack jumped back in fright. The TARDIS door having opened by itself.

The team laughed at the look of shock on Jack's face.

"God, I never thought this would be so funny." Gwen said, her eyes sparkling with tears of laughter.

"Get ready, Ianto." Tosh warned.

"I'm on it." Ianto replied, typing another command into the computer and watching as the doors of the TARDIS closed again, just as Jack had been about to step through.

The Captain got smashed in the face by the closing wooden door. The rest of his team however, watched and laughed as he rubbed his nose and attempted to try the key again.

By now, Jack had started to draw a crowd, the majority of them laughing at him or just simply shaking their heads. It was when there were about 20 spectators, and Jack had walked around the blue box at least 3 times, that the remainder of the Torchwood team decided to inform Jack of their joke.

Ianto, still laughing, entered the command and the TARDIS door opened. Jack took his chance as they all knew he would and leapt into the box, to find...

That it was just a box.

"What the?" he said out loud, still audible to the Torchwood team, causing another round of laughter.

Gwen wiped tears of laughter from her cheeks and watched, along with everyone else, as Jack emerged from the box and looked directly at the CCTV camera, glaring.

"Oh no!" Owen said. "I think he's cottoned on."

"Act normal!" Tosh said, closing the camera, as soon as Jack was out of view. "Ianto, you have to act depressed again."

Ianto nodded and immediately slumped his shoulders.

Owen ran down to the autopsy room and pretended to be cleaning scalpels, and Gwen went back to her work station and started work again, her face serious.

The Hub was silent as they worked for about 20 seconds before the sirens sounded and Jack ran in.

"Jack!" Ianto said, turning his depressed look into one of joy. "You're back!" The Welshman, acting perfectly, ran down and embraced the older man, who had a look of complete confusion on his face.

"We thought you'd be longer." Tosh commented.

"Yeah well, time travel, you know." Jack said with a bewildering smile.

Owen snorted and everyone turned to glare at him.

"Sorry, guys, it's just so funny." he burst out laughing. "He's so clueless!"

It wasn't long before Gwen, Tosh and Ianto were all attempting to control their laughing.

"April Fools, Harkness!" Owen said, "We got you so good!"

"What?" Jack replied, causing his team to cry with laughter.

"It was us, Jack. You set you up!" Ianto explained, once his laughter was under control.

"You mean..."

"Yep!" Gwen grinned.

"Have fun with the Doctor? I think not!"

"You're telling me..."

"Yeah, we set the fake TARDIS up. It's an April Fool joke!" Ianto further explained.

"Do you even know that it was April Fools?" Owen asked, raising an eyebrow sceptically.

"Yes, of course." Jack replied, despite not having a clue. "I thank you."

"Thank us?" Tosh questioned.

"This is the part where you start planning revenge." Ianto pointed out.

"Yeah, course. Well I'll be off to do that." Jack said, awkwardly. "But first I want to know how you did it."

"Oh, it was easy!" Tosh smiled.

"I have a few contacts with the local museum and they had a replica of a 1950's police box. I just had to ask and promised them I'd give it back in one piece when I was done." Ianto said.

"Although when we said it was for an April fool's joke on Captain Harkness, they also offered to help." Gwen added in and Jack groaned.

"I was able to rig up a simple remote computer program which operated the doors." Tosh went on.

"Then, the guys from the museum moved the replica into place, on my signal." Ianto said.

"Then, we had to act like it was the TARDIS and you fell for it, hook, line and sinker!" Owen finished triumphantly.

"The footage we got of you is priceless." Tosh said with a grin.

"Actually Tosh, do you mind, if I send that footage to UNIT?" Gwen asked her voice sweet. "Only, I think I could use it as evidence as to why we can't look after the spidery mouse things."

"Why's that?" Owen asked, "Because Jack's a complete and utter imbecile and can't tell the difference between a wooden box and a time machine from another planet!"

"Exactly." Gwen grinned. "I think it's good, solid evidence."

"I'll send it to you." Tosh replied, with a brief grin at Jack.

"Thanks!" Gwen said, purposely trying to wind Jack up.

"Oh, you guys are so going to pay for this!" Jack suddenly said.

"Is that a threat?" Owen asked.

"I do believe it is, Owen." Ianto replied, with a look of mock shock and horror.

Owen sniggered.

"No really, you'd better watch it!" Jack replied with a glare, before stalking off and shutting himself in his office.

The remaining four, burst into more laughter.


	2. Owen the Fool

**Disclaimer: **Yeah, you guessed it - they aren't mine! :(

_This chapter a bit longer than I had expected. Sorry about that, I hope you all still enjoy it though! :) Next shall be Gwen..._

* * *

Owen

_Jones, Ianto Jones has signed in_

_Capt Jack says: _Hey Yan! :)

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _What do you want Jack?

_Capt Jack says: _What makes you think I want anything... except maybe you. ;)

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _*rolls eyes*

_Capt Jack says: _Ok, well I've done my research

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _Researching April Fools? :)

_Capt Jack says: _Look, could you help me get Owen back. I want to prank him.

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _I knew it!

_Capt Jack says: _Ha ha ha

_Mrs. Williams has signed in_

_Mrs. Williams has been added to the conversation_

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _Hi Gwen

_Capt Jack says: _Want to help me prank Owen for April Fools?

_Mrs. Williams says: _Hey guys, seen any blue boxes lately, Jack?

_Capt Jack says:_ Very funny. *glares*

_Mrs. Williams says: _Hehe, and sure, I'll help. It is Owen after all.

_Capt Jack says: _Brilliant!

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _Have you got any ideas?

_Toshiko S. has signed in_

_Toshiko S. has been added to the conversation_

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _Hey Tosh

_Mrs. Williams says: _Hey!

_Capt Jack says:_ Hey Tosh, know any good April Fools pranks?

_Toshiko S. says: _Hey everyone. Why do I get the feeling this is going to end badly?

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _Hahaha

_Capt Jack says:_ They can be as extravagant as you want. A few people owe me favours anyway.

_Toshiko S. says:_ Alright.

_Mrs. Williams says: _Ooh!I have an idea...

_Capt Jack says: _Oh?

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _???

_Mrs. Williams says: _Did any of you see that episode of House the other night?

_Toshiko S. says: _Yeah

_Capt Jack says: _I did too, the one where Kutner pretended to be House on that online health clinic website, right?

_Mrs. Williams says: _Yeah, that one, with the scene in the morgue at the end.

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _I only saw bit of it. There was the rather distracting man nibbling on my earlobe...

_Mrs. Williams says: _He wasn't American by any chance was he?

_Jones, Ianto Jones says: _Now you mention it... :)

_Capt Jack says: _I know you were enjoying it. ;)

_Toshiko S. says: _Anyways... just checking but you guys have Owen blocked, too, right?

_Jones, Ianto Jones says:_ Yup.

_Capt Jack says:_ Of course!

_Mrs. Williams says:_ Yeah.

_Toshiko S. says:_ Just checking :P

_Mrs. Williams says: _Right, so considering that episode... here's what I think we should do.

* * * * *

Owen sat in his swivel chair in the autopsy room, tapping away at his laptop. He briefly glanced down to the instant messenger; nobody was online.

Owen smiled to himself and set about analysing the results of the latest Hoix scan. Despite all the work he had to do, he was felling great. The expression on Jack's face when the TARDIS door has first opened, was still etched in his mind.

Shaking his head, Owen suppressed a laugh. The prank would keep him amused all year. Besides, Jack was spent too much time either fighting aliens or being distracted by Ianto to actually come up with a way to prank him back.

He had just started typing in more data when the rift monitor went off.

"Oh, that's just bloody typical!" he announced coming up from the autopsy room. He was so caught up with the annoyance of the rift, that he didn't notice Ianto slip down into the autopsy room behind him.

"What is it, Tosh?" Jack asked seriously, as he emerged from his office.

"Weevils, or rather just the one weevil, by the looks of the readings." she replied swiftly, before turned to look at Jack. "And also a civilian."

"Where?" Gwen asked, already pulling her jacket on.

"Only a few streets away."

"Ok, you need to get out there." Jack said, stating the obvious. "It was only the one, right, Tosh?"

"I think so." Tosh replied with a nod, "Yes, I'm pretty sure."

"Good, Owen, you take Gwen and Ianto out in the SUV, quickly!"

"What about you and Tosh?" Ianto asked.

"We need to stay here. If one weevil has suddenly gone wild, there is the chance there could be more. We'll stay here as backup in case any other reports come through."

Ianto nodded slightly before following Gwen and Owen out the cog door.

"Take care!" Jack shouted after their retreating footsteps.

However, just like before, as soon as the footsteps had faded, a laugh was let out. This time by Jack. Tosh turned to him with a grin on her own face.

"Oh, he is going to really hate us for this." She laughed.

"Do you reckon he watches House?" Jack questioned.

"Nah, don't think so. He thinks he's the best doctor in the world, he's spend the majority of the episodes yelling at the TV."

"Ok, point taken." Jack laughed. "You got CCTV footage for that street?"

"Of course and I've got it recording." Tosh replied with another grin. "Let just hope Ianto switched the right meds."

* * * * *

Ianto smoothly shifted down the gears and brought the SUV to a sudden halt in front in the so called street, which was actually more of an alleyway.

Owen leapt out first, closely followed by Gwen. Everything was silence bar from a few scrambling sounds in the rubbish, probably vermin.

"Shit!" Owen swore.

"Swearing because there are no weevils with which to impress us with your Royal Weevil King skills?" Ianto questioned.

Owen glared.

"Or are you swearing because of that body?" Gwen asking, drawing her gun.

"Shit!" Owen swore again, earning a glare from Ianto, who had also drawn his gun.

The three of them crept slowly towards the motionless figure lying on the ground, surrounded by blood. There was no way of telling, from their distance, whether it was weevil or human.

"It's human!" Owen said, when he had a good enough view of the figure and the team ran forward and into action.

Gwen felt for a pulse, knowing Owen wouldn't be able to feel it, with his cold hands.

"I've got a pulse, it seems fairly strong, though." Gwen reported. "But there is a gash on this thigh, that's still bleeding."

"Ok, so just unconscious and bleeding a bit."

"Is that all his blood?" Ianto questioned, standing guard over them, in case of the weevil's return.

"Can't be, sure, could be a mixture." Owen replied. "But it looks like he's been hit on the head, too." the medic gestured to the already bruising temple.

"I bet it's a mixture of weevil and human." Gwen said, picking up a bloody knife from the unconscious man's hand.

"Ok." Owen said, with a nod, pulling open his medical kit, and picking up a syringe. "This should help with the pain, he's probably experiencing and help stop the bleeding from that gash."

Owen stabbed the needle into the man's unharmed leg and injected it.

"Keep a finger on his pulse." Owen said to Gwen, not noticing the brief glance that she shared with Ianto.

"Got it." Gwen said, while Ianto instantly pulled out his always-at-the-ready stopwatch to time it.

Owen nodded and sat back to wait. "Well, it could have been worse, at least he's still alive."

"Owen!" Gwen suddenly said, her voice rushed. "Heart rate is failing."

"It's only been 24 seconds" Ianto said.

"Owen we're losing him!" Gwen yelled.

"But I only injected him with a pain killer! That's all he needed!"

"Apparently not! Do something, Owen!"

"I... what?" Owen said, now rummaging through the med kit. "I don't know what's going on, how can I fix that?!"

"Too late." Gwen removed her fingers from the dead man's neck a few seconds later, as the pulse ceased.

Ianto stopped the stopwatch and glanced at his watch. "Time of death 9.42 AM" he said, solemnly.

Owen bowed his head, and Gwen placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort, before flashing a grin to Ianto behind the medic's back.

"Hey, it's not your fault!" she said.

"You don't understand." Owen said, now holding the empty syringe in his hand. "It is." he looked up at Gwen and Ianto. "Look what I gave him."

"What is it?" Ianto said.

"In plain terms, it's not the drug that puts you out of your pain. It kills you. Look, it says it on the label."

"Why did you give him that, though?" Gwen asked.

"I honestly thought it was the pain killer." Owen was adamant.

"Look, let's just get him back to the Hub and we can discuss it there." Ianto said, kindly.

Owen nodded. "Yeah, I'll give you a hand with the body."

* * * * *

"Ok, I've saved that footage and set up to record from the CCTV in the autopsy room." Tosh said, as soon as Ianto, Gwen and Owen had decided to leave.

"Brilliant and we just have to act normal."

"I know, Jack. I've already done this once today, remember." she gave a mischievous grin and Jack shot her a glare.

Tosh simply shook her head and smothered another laugh. She had a feeling there would be a lot more laughs smothered as the day progressed.

Two minutes later Owen and Gwen entered through the cog door; Ianto, having the body brought up by the lift, straight to the autopsy room.

"We couldn't find the weevil, but we-"

"We know." Tosh said. "We saw it all on the CCTV screen."

"I decided to keep an eye on you guys, in case you needed backup." Jack explained and Gwen's raised eyebrow.

"Ianto's bringing the body up to the autopsy room now." Owen said, with a sigh.

A few minutes later, Jack, Ianto, Tosh and Gwen were gathered around, watching Owen, who was about to begin the autopsy. As soon as the medic picked up the largest of the scalpels, the four spectators glanced at each other and grinned, knowing what was coming next.

"Hold on!" Jack said, signalling for Owen to stop.

"What?"

"What did you say you gave him?"

"Painkillers, just rub it in why don't you!" Owen said, angrily, remaining adamant that he hadn't given the man the wrong medicine.

"Well there is no way that would have killed him." Jack said with a frown.

"You don't think I already know that!"

"Yeah, but I can fix it." Jack said, racing down the stairs to stand beside the apparently dead man.

"Jack, he's dead."

Ignoring him, the Captain straddled the dead man and began pumping on his chest in order to get the heart going again.

"Jack, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Owen said, his eyebrows raised in surprise. "He's been dead for half an hour now. There's no coming back from that, no matter-"

A loud gasp interrupted Owen, as the ex-dead man, breathed back to life.

"Oh my god!" Owen shouted, springing backwards and clutching his non-beating heart. On his face was a look of pure horror and shock.

It was then that everybody cracked up and Owen knew he'd been pranked. Even the now-alive man, was laughing his head off.

"Oh you bastard, Jack!" Owen said, shaking his head. "I cannot believe you!"

Gwen and Tosh were not clinging onto each other for support as, for the second time that day, the practically pissed themselves with laughter.

"The look on your face was priceless. As good as Jack's I'd say." Ianto said, between laughs.

"And you were all in on it too?" Owen said, incredulously. "Just when I thought I was safe from Jack, because I went out of the Hub." The medic shook his head. "Never again." he muttered.

"You have to admit, we got you pretty good." Jack said, grinning, "It's even better, because you'd just pranked me and should have been expecting a prank attack."

"Yeah, but not from all you guys." Owen said, looking around at his teammates, still giggling. "I'm guessing you all had something to do with pretending he was dead, right?"

"Yup." Gwen replied with a grin, "You totally believed me when I told you he had no pulse."

"And Ianto switched the syringe's label, so you though you thought you'd killed him." Tosh added in, with a smile to match Gwens.

"Was there actually even a weevil?"

"Nope." Jack replied simply, "Everything was faked and you fell for it all!"

"Great." Owen replied sarcastically. "And who's this guy?" he nodded at the guy on the autopsy table. "No offense, mate." he added.

"This is a mate of mine, who owed me a favour." Jack answered, his tone suggesting that was all that was needed to know and no more questions show be asked.

"Right." Owen said nodding. "Well I hope you've had your fun, guys. But I'd watch out too. I'm not going to let you guys get away with this."

Gwen, Tosh and Ianto the remaining three who had not yet been pranked turned to each other and grinned. There was no way either Jack or Owen would be able to get them back; they'd have their eyes peeled for everything.


	3. Gwen the Fool

**Disclaimer:** Does it need saying?

_Another totally bonkers chapter. With added PC Andy and Rhys. Still a bit OOC, but please R & R. :)_

* * *

Gwen

Jack didn't look up from his computer screen as Ianto entered the office carrying the Captain's third cup of industrial strength coffee. Ianto knew that Jack was purposely trying to make it look like he was actually doing work by not looking up. Despite this, the Welshman had always suspected that Jack never did any work anyway.

"Coffee sir?" Ianto asked the redundant question.

"Always." Jack replied, looking up only now.

Ianto placed the mug on the desk, turn his back on Jack and tensed himself.

"Why so tense?" Jack commented.

"Sir, if you're going to prank me, can you just get it over and done with." Ianto said matter-of-factly, spinning back to face him.

"What?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean. You've already got Owen back for the whole TARDIS thing; it's only a matter of time before you get the rest of us."

"Is it?" Jack pretended to know absolutely nothing.

Ianto simply rolled his eyes, and turned to leave.

"If you really want to know." Ianto could practically hear the grin in Jack's voice.

Ianto remained silent.

"I was going to get Gwen next."

Ianto spun back around for the second time, triumphant, "I knew it! You are getting us, one by one."

Jack shrugged. "Did you want to help me?"

Ianto thought back to all the times Gwen had been annoying, which now he was thinking about it was a lot. All the times she'd mollycoddled him, all the times she'd flirted with Jack, all the times she'd bossed him around, all the times she'd slept with Owen knowing full well that it was breaking Tosh's heart, all the times she'd -

"Well?" Jack interrupted his list, which had threatened to go on forever.

"Ok." Ianto said, with a smile, walking back over to Jack's desk. "I'm guessing you already have something planned."

"Oh yes." Jack grinned. "I was thinking, Rhys has lost his memory."

"Pretending he's retconned? Oh, that'll never work. She'll know immediately." Ianto shook his head. "Besides, how exactly are you going to get Rhys to agree to fake his memory loss?"

"He won't have to fake it."

"No, Jack. You can't go and retcon Rhys just for a practical joke."

"I'll talk to him. I can be very convincing when I want to be." Jack waggled his eyebrows and Ianto groaned. "Besides I can get the help of Cardiff's finest, too."

"Andy?" Ianto raised an eyebrow, sceptically. "Everyone's expecting an attack; she'll still know it immediately."

"You know, I don't think so." Jack disagreed.

Knowing there was no point in arguing, Ianto nodded. "Ok, but it's not going to work."

"Bet you a tenner it does." Jack offered.

"I'm not betting with you, Jack." Ianto said, firmly.

Jack pouted.

"No, Jack. Ask Owen, if you're so keen." Ianto replied, before heading towards the door.

"Fine."

"Oh and you'd better get onto Andy and Rhys soon. Remember, you only have until midday to get us all and it's already 10.30."

"Only until midday?" Jack was shocked. "Who makes these rules up?"

Ianto simply shook his head and left to make everyone else their coffees.

* * * * *

As soon as Ianto had left, Jack was on the phone.

To Owen.

"Why are you calling my mobile, Jack?" The medic answered.

"I'm getting lazy."

"Uh huh." There was a slight pause. "What do you want anyway, Harkness. Some of us actually have work to do."

"Ianto wouldn't make a bet with me, so I'm asking you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Bet you a tenner that I can get Gwen to believe that Rhys has lost his memory."

"You what?"

Jack repeated himself, adding that it was a prank.

"Alright, then. Yeah, I'll bet you. There is no way she'll fall for it. Everyone's expecting it."

"Great!" Jack replied, finding himself grinning. "Now get back to work!"

Owen sighed and shook his head as Jack hung up on him. That man was seriously taking it way too far. Still at least he was having fun and not being so damn bossy. Well, being slightly less bossy, anyway.

* * * * *

Less than 15 minutes later, Gwen got the call.

"Hello?"

"Gwen, oh thank god." PC Andy sounded rushed.

"Andy? What is it?" Gwen replied, her urgent voice causing Tosh to look up from her desk with a frown.

"Gwen, its Rhys."

"What? Why? What's happened?"

"Gwen, what is it?" Tosh asked, her voice concerned.

Gwen shook her head in response. "Andy, tell me!"

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, Gwen. An off-duty officer found him and recognised him as your boyfr-husband." Andy corrected himself.

"Andy, you tell me right now! Tell what's happened!" Gwen yelled into the phone.

"Gwen?" Jack raced down from his office, followed by Ianto and Owen made his way up from the autopsy room.

"He's got no idea who he is, Gwen. No idea where he is. He knows nothing. I mean I know he was a bit thick to -"

"Andy!"

"He's just a shell, Gwen. An empty shell."

"What do you mean?" Gwen said.

"He's lost his memory." Andy replied, his voice totally sincere.

Gwen dropped the phone in shock.

"Gwen?"

"What is it?"

"What's happened?"

Ianto, Tosh and Owen questioned the Welshwomen, complete with worried expressions.

"I..." Gwen was lost for words, but picked the phone up again. "You still there?"

"Gwen?" Andy replied.

"Can you bring him in?"

"Of course. And I'm really sorry, Gwen." Andy said before hanging up.

Gwen placed the phone down and glanced up in numb shock at her co-workers.

"What happened, Gwen?" Jack spoke and Gwen turned to look him in the eye.

"It's Rhys, Jack." Gwen said, rather close to tears now. "He's lost his memory."

"What?"

"How?"

"I... I don't know." Gwen shook her head. "Andy's bringing him round, now, though."

"Ok." Jack nodded. "Ianto, head up to the Tourist Shop, make sure Andy and Rhys get here in one piece. Tosh, get into the police files, see what's already been filed about this. Owen, bring up a list of everyone who's been retconned in the past week."

"What?" Gwen panicked.

"Calm down." Jack placed a hand on her shoulder. "We'll sort this out, I promise."

Gwen nodded, but remained silent. All she could think about was her husband, now with no memory of her, or anything. All thoughts of April Fools pranks had been pushed to the back of her head, forgotten.

Five minutes later, Andy and a lost looking Rhys were escorted by Ianto down to the Hub.

"Rhys?" Gwen ran up to her husband and gripped him by the shoulders.

Rhys cocked his head to one side and frowned. "Reeeeccccce?" he repeated.

"I'm sorry, Gwen." Andy was saying. "He just repeats stuff he hears."

Gwen nodded, staying strangely calm as she looked into her husband unrecognising eyes.

"Like a newborn child, copying his parents." Jack said, shaking his head sadly.

"Isn't there anything we can do?" Andy asked, shooting nervous glances between Gwen and Rhys.

"I don't know." Jack said. "We need to know what's done this, first. Only then can we fix what's happened."

"Rhys? Come on, darling. It's me, Gwen. Remember?"

"Gwweee?"

"Yeah, that's right." Gwen said through tears. "Come on, honey. Come with me."

Gwen, ignoring the concerned looks of Jack, Andy and the others, lead her husband to the boardroom, where they could sit and attempt conversation.

As soon as Gwen was out of earshot, Andy and Jack turned to each other and grinned.

"Thanks for that!" Jack said.

"Anytime, but I think it's Rhys who'll need the thanking."

Jack nodded. "You going to hang around until we let her know?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Plus, they're covering for me back at the station."

Jack nodded again, before turning to the rest of his team.

"I've got the recton list." Owen said, flapping about some pieces of paper a small grin on his face.

"And I have the police files." Tosh added.

"Right, team meeting everyone. You, too Andy." Jack commanded and everyone headed off to join Gwen and Rhys.

"So?" Gwen asked calmly once everyone was seated.

"Oooo?" Rhys responded.

"Shhh, you've got to be quite now, honey." Gwen hushed her incompetent husband, who half nodded, dumbly.

"Well, we've retconned half a dozen civilians in the past week." Owen said, passing around the list of names.

"And? Is there any chance he could have been dosed by mistake? Or it got into the water? Or something?"

"We don't know Gwen." Owen admitted. "We'd have to test a water sample, but the chances of it being present aren't high."

"We're really sorry." Tosh added in, her voice full of sympathy.

"So you don't know how this happened?" Gwen's voice had raised now.

"Look, Gwen. You have to stay calm. It's possible that Rhys has just been infected by something alien that has just missed the radar."

"What?"

"Gwen, I-"

"You're telling me that you think he's been infected by an alien!?!" Gwen rose from her seat. "You think?! How can you not know! My husband had no clue what is going on or where he is or who I am, and you have no clue as to what has happened to him? What is the point of Torchwood if you can't fix this!" She shouted.

"Gwen. I'm sorry that we don't know, but we're working on it." Ianto said, comfort in his eyes.

"The only it could be is something alien." Jack paused. "Either that or Rhys is faking it and you just got April Fooled!"

"What?" Gwen shouted, her voice sounding something between fury and shock as the entire boardroom filled with the sound of laughter.

"Oh, you have to admit, they got you good, lovely." Rhys said between snorts of laughter.

"You... this..." Gwen pointed at Andy and then turned to Jack, before letting out a scream of fury.

"I cannot believe this!" Gwen said.

"And to think I though she wouldn't fall for it." Owen said, shaking his head as he passed a £10 note to Jack, who quickly pocketed it.

"You just have to add the person they love and trust with all their heart and anyone will fall for anything." Jack replied with a grin.

"You bet on this?" Gwen said, his eyes wide.

"They did." Tosh pointed to Jack and Owen. "Ianto and I were happy with the simple pleasure of watching you get pranked."

Ianto nodded in accord. Gwen then turned to Andy and Rhys.

"I cannot believe I fell for that." she admitted, placing her head in her hands.

"I can! Did you see my acting!" Rhys said.

"Well, it can't have been that hard for you to act like an incompetent idiot." Andy said.

"Oi!"

"Andy, stop it." Gwen said, attempting to ignore the sound of Jack's laughter, which was still piercing her ears.

"Fine." Andy shook his head. "Anyway, I'd better get back to work."

"Me too." Rhys admitted.

"Thanks for the laugh, lovely." Rhys said, pressing a kiss to Gwen's cheek before leaving the room. "I'll see you tonight!"

"Yes, you will." Gwen muttered threatening under her breath, causing Andy to begin laughing again.

"I'd better escort you and Mr. Williams back to reception." Ianto grinned, getting up.

Jack managed a nod, and watched as they left.

"I cannot believe you Harkness." Gwen said.

"You started it." Jack pointed out.

"Yeah, I know." Gwen shook her head, disbelievingly before leaving the room.

Jack gave a smile, already plotting his prank revenge on his next victim.


	4. Tosh the Fool

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters mentioned below... not even the whoopee cushion. :)

_Happy April Fools Everyone! Yeah, I know it's 4 days late, depending on when you read this, and I had planned on posting on the 1st, but I've just been so busy with my exams. Not to mention my excitement at going to see Dylan Moran - What It Is (which was hilarious, btw) But here, it is, finally posted, sorry it's so late! After this, shall be Ianto's. _

_Also, I've written this, presuming it's after the events of The Twilight Streets and Idris has remembered all about Torchwood again. :) _

_Enjoy!_

* * *

Tosh

Tosh glanced briefly at her watch before turning her attention back to the computer screen. It was only 45 minutes until midday, and technically that meant only 45 more minutes for Jack to strike. But knowing Jack, he'd make up his own rules and Tosh had a feeling he'd be aiming for her next.

And sure enough, she was right. Two minutes later the phone at her desk rung, which was weird enough, as it rarely ever did.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is that Ms. Sato?" The faintly familiar male Welsh-accented voice said.

"Yes, who's asking?"

"I'm from the council, Ms. Sato. Just a final notice, reminding you of flat demolition this afternoon at 3."

"I'm sorry?" Tosh was genuinely shocked for about 5 seconds, before realising.

"Yes, your flat demolition. The notice has been up for 6 months now."

"I'm sure it has." Tosh said, with a smile and glanced a look over towards Jack's office, where he was looking extremely busy with some paperwork. Tosh, however, knew he was listening.

"Yes, it has. I do hope you have removed all of you belongings."

Tosh nearly let out a laugh. She knew the voice sounded familiar. "Idris Hopper, am I right."

"Uh... I'm sorry?"

"I know you are. Idris Hopper. Works for the council, used to work as the mayor's assistant before the earthquake. One of Jack's cronies." Tosh rattled off. _Is that the best you can do, Jack?_ She thought to herself.

"Jack who?"

"Don't play stupid with me. Jack Harkness. Captain Jack Harkness. Guy in a military coat. You kissed him once, if I recall."

"He told you that!?" Idris exclaimed.

"Ah ha!" Tosh said, triumphantly. "I knew it. He told you it was an April fool's prank didn't he?"

"Yes, he did. I didn't really think it was his sort of thing, though."

"No, but revenge is his sort of thing." Tosh said.

"Ah." Idris said and Tosh could picture him nodding in understanding. "Well, he's going to have to try harder than that, I think."

"Oh yes." Tosh agreed. There was a slight pause. "Well I'd better let you get back to your work, Idris. Thanks for the chat."

"No problem. Bye!"

"See you!"

Tosh put down the phone and shot a shy smile in Jack's direction, knowing he was looking her way. Her smile telling him that he had to try harder if he was going to prank her.

Jack grimaced and glanced back down at the crossword he was doing, and began thinking again.

* * * * *

Less than five minutes had passed and Jack had suddenly called an emergency meeting in the boardroom. Tosh knew it was just for another opportunity to prank her, but went anyway, just to play along with Jack and anyone else he'd involved.

"What's this about?" Gwen asked Jack, before taking a sip of her fresh coffee Ianto had brought everyone.

"It had better be worth it, I was on a role, with doing those autopsy reports." Owen muttered.

"It won't take long, I promise." Jack said. Tosh notice how he gave a slight not to Gwen as he said this. _So he's got the others involved too._ Tosh thought. _He is really going to have to try a lot harder if he's going to want to get be back._

"Well?" Owen said expectantly in Jack's direction.

Jack had just opened his mouth to speak when Gwen collapsed. _Well at least they've got the timing perfect_ Tosh though, trying to suppress a grin, as Gwen kneeled on the floor, clutching at her heart.

"Gwen?" Owen was suddenly right beside her. Tosh had to admit he looked genuinely worried. Maybe Jack hadn't told him about it.

"My… it's my… heart." She panted to the three men, as they all crouched around her.

"What is it Owen?" Jack said, sounding slightly over worried.

"Don't know. Her heart seems fine." He said with a slight frown.

"God!" Gwen exclaimed. "Ahh… God, it hurts."

"Gwen, lie down for me." Owen said, pressing a stethoscope on her chest. "Her heart is racing, Jack."

"I... I don't know what's going on!" Jack said, spreading his arms wide innocently.

"Well, don't look at me." Ianto spoke up, as Owen looked at him. "I only bring the coffee."

"Tosh, bring me up my medical kit." Owen said, rushed.

Tosh sighed, but decided to play along for the time being and she left the room. She slowly made her way down the stairs to the autopsy room and picked up the surprisingly heavy kit ("Hurry, Tosh!" Owen had shouted at this point.) and headed back, pausing at the door when she heard hushed voices.

It was Gwen. "Did I do okay?"

"Well, she didn't look too convinced to me." Ianto was saying.

"Why were you looking at Tosh when you should have been looking at Gwen, who was having a heart attack?!" Owen retorted.

"Stop it, guys! Tosh'll be back here any minute, so look in pain, Gwen." Jack commanded.

Tosh, still listening just out of view, gave a grin and waited a few more seconds before walking back it, rather calmly considering the apparent situation.

"Here." She muttered, handing the kit to Owen, making no comment on Gwen's condition.

"Thanks, Tosh. You're a star!" Tosh blushed slightly and stepped back and watched as the medic did his work.

"Is she going to be ok?" Jack asked, concerned again.

"Not sure. We'd better get her down to the autopsy room where I can examine her more."

"Alright." Jack nodded.

"Tosh, Ianto. Give a hand, will you."

Tosh stepped forward and supported Gwen's head while the others carried her and Ianto took the medical kit.

"You know." Tosh began casually. "If you're going to prank someone, you really shouldn't talk about it. Especially during said prank, after sending the one being pranked away where she could easily listen at the door."

Jack and Owen nearly dropped Gwen as she opened her eyes in shock and behind them Ianto began to silently laugh.

* * * * *

It was a few minutes later when Tosh and Ianto's laughter had died down and Gwen had stopped glaring at Jack, who was in turn glaring at Owen, that Jack called Tosh into his office.

"Jack?" She asked innocently, glancing around for any early signs of a prank. "What's up?"

"Not much, I'm just... uh... after some advice." he admitted and Tosh could have sworn he blushed slightly.

"Uh... sure." she answered. "What about?"

"It's Ianto." Jack mumbled, keeping his head down.

"Oh?"

"It's just... I... well, it's more he..." he trailed off.

"I won't tell anyone, Jack. You can trust me." Tosh said kindly, all thoughts of pranks gone momentarily from her mind; for once Jack was trying to talk feelings about Ianto.

Jack nodded and gestured for her to sit down. Tosh pulled out the chair opposite the Captain's and was about to sit down, when Jack let out a small snigger, before clasping his hand over his mouth in horror. Tosh immediately stood up again and glared at her boss.

"What do you really want, Jack?" she asked.

"Just sit down." he answered. "Please?"

Tosh frown at him, before turning to look at the chair, on which was an inflated whoopee cushion. The Japanese woman groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Seriously Jack?" she questioned. "A Whoopee cushion?"

Jack shrugged.

"That is so childish, I cannot believe you'd sink to that level." she shook her head and turned to leave.

"I will get you back, Tosh." he mock-warned.

"Well you're certainly going to have to try harder." Tosh said, grinning.

She heard Jack mutter a curse behind her as she headed back to her desk.

"What did Jack want?" Gwen asked.

"He just wanted to prank me." Tosh replied. "Or rather attempt to prank me."

"What did he do?"

"Put a whoopee cushion on a chair and tried to make me sit on it." she said casually.

"Are you serious? He actually sunk to that level?" Gwen raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah." Tosh agreed, before turning back to her computer screen. "Why isn't this mouse working?" she mused out loud.

"Huh?" Gwen looked up again.

"This mouse." Tosh repeated. "It's not working."

"Is it plugged in?"

"Oh, that would be right. I bet there's a sticky note next to the port saying April Fools, too." Tosh muttered, walking around to the back of the CPU to look.

"No. It's fine." Tosh said, with a frown.

"Really?" Gwen sounded surprised.

"Yeah..."

"What you doing, Tosh?" Owen asked, coming up from the autopsy room and seeing Tosh's bottom poking out from underneath her desk.

"Trying to find out why my mouse isn't working." her voice sounded slightly angry.

"Is it plugged in?"

"That's what I'm checking and yes it is." Tosh replied as though it were obvious.

"Maybe the wire has snapped or something." Ianto appeared and suggested.

"It's possible." Gwen added in.

"No, that's fine too." Tosh responded, moving the mouse around violently in an attempt to make it move on the screen.

"You sure the computer hasn't frozen?" Owen asked.

"Owen, I am as close to a genius with computers as you can get. I think I know how to tell if the computer is frozen. The CPU usage is usually over 50% when it's frozen or in the process of freezing. But right now the usage is saying only 5% which is normal, considering the number of program I'm running." Tosh replied forcefully.

"Techno-babble, Tosh. That went straight over my head." Owen replied, causing Tosh to groan in frustration.

"I just don't get why it's not working. It was fine a moment ago, before I was called into Jack's office..." she trailed off, thinking.

"Tosh?" Ianto questioned.

They all watched as she picked up the mouse and turned it over. On the base of it, covering the laser, which controlled its movement, was a piece of paper.

April Fools!

Tosh gave a slight smile and turned towards Jack's office where she knew he would be watching and smiling. She nodded in recognition and congratulations and waited for the rest of the team to ask, and then laugh, with which she would join in.


	5. Ianto the Fool

**Disclaimer:** Still not mine... trust me, you'd notice the difference if it was.

_Well all my exams are over and the holidays have begun, so I've been able to finally get this finished. Thank you so much to all my lovely reviewers. :) It's very kind of you and really encourages me to finish. So thanks! This chapter's for you guys!_

_Also, I've been watching a lot of NCIS lately, so if the characters in here start acting very OOC, that's to blame. For future reference it's not a good idea to try write a fic involving characters from one show, whilst watching another show. :S_

_Anyway, Enjoy!_

* * *

Ianto

The young Welshman had been eyeing his watch for the past half hour and had physically breathed a sigh of relief when it ticked over midday, not that that meant he was completely safe. After Tosh's attempted pranks, finally ending with a mere piece of paper stuck on the bottom of her mouse rendering it broken, Jack had stayed in his office.

Ianto watched him make a few phone calls and type away at his own computer. All of his activities seemed innocent enough. But then again, innocent isn't a word often associated with Captain Jack Harkness.

"Ianto?" Jack's voice cut through his thinking's and nearly made him jump out of his skin.

"Jack!"

Jack let out a small chuckle. "Scare you did I?" he drawled.

Ianto nodded in reply.

"Still think I'm going to prank you?"

"Well yes." Ianto admitted.

"It's after 12, though." Jack pointed out, looking at his watch.

"I already know that, Jack."

"So technically, I can't prank you."

"That's technically, Jack. Since when have you ever followed technicalities?"

"Fair point." Jack nodded flashing his trademark grin.

Ianto rolled his eyes and sighed. There was so many times he wished his Captain wouldn't be so cryptic. Jack was very much an enigma and that frustrated Ianto beyond belief, but also attracted him to his boss more and more.

"What you thinking?" Jack asked, and Ianto realised he must have tuned out.

"Thinking of how I can avoid being pranked by you." Ianto replied evenly.

"Thinking's good, but putting it into action is the hard part."

"Thanks for the tip, Jack, but if you don't mind I'd better get back to work." Ianto replied sternly.

Jack pouted.

"I wasted enough time, and I really need to get back to this archiving."

"Wasted time?" Jack raised his eyebrows. "Who said it was wasted." And he leaned in and pressed his lips to Ianto's.

Their kiss, which had the potential to develop into so much more, was only interrupted by a loud cough from behind them. Springing apart like so quickly they turned to face Owen.

"I would have thought you guys would have learnt by now. I mean the number of times we've walked in on you and the number of CCTV footage... Seriously guys, I swear Gwen is still scared." He said shaking his head.

"And I would have thought _you_ guys would have just learnt to get used to it." Jack replied with a grin.

"Whatever." Owen replied. "Any chance of another cup of coffee, mate?" he directed his question at Ianto.

"I'll get onto making some." Ianto replied, spinning around and heading into the small kitchenette which held the coffee machine. Jack watched him go, making quite a show of perving on the Welshman.

"Quit it Harkness." Owen said to the man, shaking his head.

"Hey, it's not my fault he wears such nice suits!" Jack replied, his eyes still on the spot where Ianto had disappeared into the kitchenette.

Owen clipped his boss on the back of the head. "You can have teaboy later, after you've pranked him!"

"Ouch! And I'm getting there alright!" Jack rubbed the back of his head.

"Well hurry up, it's already past 12 and you said you were going to get everyone. You can't chicken out on Ianto, just cos he makes you happy."

"I'll get around to it." Jack insisted and then leaned closer to whisper. "I've already got something planned; it's just relying on someone who's not always on time."

Owen frowned and was about to reply when… "Owen, I've got you're coffee." Ianto was calling.

"Yeah, coming." Owen glanced at Jack one last time before walking off to get his hot beverage.

* * * * *

After giving an impatient Owen his caffeine dose, Ianto continued to make coffees for the remainder of his colleagues.

"Gwen." He placed her mug on the desk in front of her.

"Thanks!" She replied with a small smile.

Ianto turned to give Tosh hers, only to discover she was in deep conversation with Jack. Ianto frowned. Whatever they were talking about looked trivial, rather than something important and the Welshman immediately suspected some plan to prank him.

"Tosh, you're coffee." He said, stepping closer to the conversing pair. Ianto sniggered as Jack jumped backwards, clearly not expecting him to be there.

"Anyway... I'll, um... get back to that report." Jack said, nodding, before walking back to his office much to the bemusement of both Ianto and apparently Tosh.

"What was all that about?" he asked.

"Oh, just Jack rubbing in the fact that he was able to prank me with a mere piece of paper." Tosh replied evenly. "He's never going to let me forget that is he?"

"Probably not." Ianto admitted, "But why was he all surprised and edgy at seeing me?"

"Oh." Tosh indicated for him to lean closer. "He didn't want you to find out that he was rubbing the whole pranking thing in."

"Why?"

"He seems to think that you will not approve or something."

"Ahh." Ianto nodded, making sense of it all. "Right. Well I can't do anything about it now anyway, I'm not meant to know."

Tosh smiled with a hint of sympathy. "Thanks for the coffee, Ianto."

"No problem." And he began to walk away.

"Oh and Ianto?" Tosh called back over her shoulder.

"Yes?"

"I got a call from the museum. They would like the replica phone box back and as I recall it's still out on the Plas."

Ianto swore. "I completely forgot about that, with all the pranking going on. I'll get onto it straight away, I'm guessing the guys from the museum will come and collect it?"

"Yeah, they said they'd come and collect it."

"Thanks for reminding me, Tosh!"

"No problem, but I'd get it done before Jack finds out. He still may be a touchy on the subject."

Ianto grinned. "Sure!"

As Ianto walked briskly away, Tosh turned back to her computer and smiled. She waited until Ianto had left the central Hub area, before pulling up the CCTV footage and calling the others over.

* * * * *

Ianto stood out on the Plas, next to the police box, waiting for the guys from the museum to come and collect it. He'd been there 10 minutes already and so far they hadn't showed.

"Where are they?" he muttered to himself, flipping open his phone as he did and calling Tosh.

"Ianto! I was just about to call you!" She answered.

"You were?"

"It's about the museum guys. They're running a bit late and asked if you could meet them closer to the road, for easy loading."

"They want me to carry this police box to the road?" Ianto questioned looking over the Plas to the road on the far side. It seemed so far away.

"Yes, I'm sorry. They museum guys apologised too. But apparently it's really light."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, they said only 50kg's tops."

"Great. Any chance of some help? Carrying a police box, no matter how light, is still not the easiest job." Ianto asked and heard Tosh repeat it to everyone else in the Hub, before putting it on speaker phone.

"No chance mate, I've got work to do." Owen shouted.

"Thanks Owen." Ianto muttered sarcastically.

"Sorry love, I promised Rhys I'd be home early and seeing as there was no rift activity, I was just about to leave." Gwen said, actually sounding apologetic.

"It's ok, Gwen." Ianto understood. "What about Jack?"

"He's... uh... in his office. It looks like he's doing work, so it might be best to just leave him. He might actually be getting some paperwork done." Tosh answered and Ianto sighed.

"I could come and-"

"It's alright, Tosh." Ianto cut her off. "Out of everyone I think you've got the most work to do."

Ianto could almost hear her smile with gratefulness. "Thanks."

"Anytime." Ianto replied, snapping his phone shut and turning back to the police box.

"Stop looking at me like that." he muttered, as the box suddenly looked significantly heavier. There was a brief pause and the Welshman shook his head, "That would be me, talking to a replica police box, right."

"It's not just a police box." A man in a pin-striped suit suddenly stepped out of the box and gave Ianto the fright of his life.

"It's much more than that." A red headed female stepped out behind him, completely ignoring Ianto, whose jaw was now on the ground.

"I... I... But..." Ianto stuttered, taking another step back in shock and surprise.

"Hello!" The man gave a grin and a wave.

"But... how..." Ianto looked, wide-eyed, at the pair and then at the box.

"Ianto Jones, right?" The man said, holding out a hand to the stunned Welshman.

"What?" Ianto said stupidly. "I... I mean yes. Yes."

"Pleasure to meet you. Jack's told me a bit about you." he grinned and the woman sniggered slightly.

"Jack? You mean... oh... oh no..." Ianto put his head in his hands, "Oh, I am never going to live this down."

Neither the man nor the woman said anything and Ianto reluctantly raised his head to look directly into the CCTV camera, knowing exactly who would be watching and laughing.

* * * * *

Five minutes later Ianto walked into the Hub, accompanied by the Doctor and his companion Donna (both having told him firmly that they were not a couple) and was greeted by laughter and the 4 amused faces of his colleagues.

"That the last time I'm helping you with one of your little prank, Jack." The Doctor said sternly. "Poor man nearly had a heart attack."

"What? You got the Doctor in on this? Just to prank me?" Ianto said.

"Well, it was the only thing you wouldn't suspect." Jack said with a grin.

"And you fell for it perfectly." Tosh added in, an almost identical smile upon her face.

Ianto opened his mouth to say something.

"And yes," Owen cut in. "We did get all the footage recorded. Including the whole 'that would be me talking to a police box' bit."

"Great." Ianto said sarcastically, causing everyone, except the Doctor to laugh again.

Once the laughter had died down, the Doctor spoke again.

"Well, we'd better be off now that my work here is done."

Jack nodded, understanding. "Sure. And thanks for all your help, Doc." he grinned, winking in Ianto's direction, causing him to roll his eyes.

"No problem, but I'm not doing this again, you know. Next year you're going to have to come up with something a little less extravagant."

"Got it." Jack said, saluting him.

"And what did I say about salutes." The Doctor said, shaking his head and muttering something about UNIT.

"I'll have a salute, though." Donna demanded only nodding, satisfied, when Jack had complied.

"Come on, Donna!"

"It's Donna, by the way. Donna Noble." Donna said to Jack, ignoring the Doctor, who groaned.

"Jack, Jack Harkness." Jack offered her his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Mr, Harkness." Donna accepted his hand.

"You can call me Jack." Causing Ianto to glare at his Captain.

"Don't encourage him, Donna." The Doctor added. "Come on, the Calforbrix Galaxy is about to be created, we'll miss it!"

"We're in a time machine, Dumbo!" Donna retorted.

"That's beside the point, come on."

"Maybe next time, Miss Noble." Jack said with a wink, causing Ianto to cough pointedly.

"It's Donna." she replied.

"Donna!"

"Alright, I'm coming. Bye Jack!" she gave a smiled and waved as she followed the Doctor, who clearly knew his way out of the Hub.

Jack watched them go, fondly smiling, before turning back to the others.

"Next time, I'll give you all a proper introduction." he promised. "Now, is there any chance of a coffee, Ianto?"

"No, actually, Jack."

Jack raised his eyebrows and Owen sniggered.

"Not sure what you're laughing about either Owen. You're all on instant for at least the next two months."

"Two months!" Owen cried.

"Yes, and don't try to work the coffee machine, you'll only end up injuring yourself. Trust me."

"That's not fair!"

"But you'll be on instant for longer, Jack. I'm thinking about a year. That's for flirting with a complete stranger in front of me."

"But...."

"And I don't think you'll be getting 'it' for a while either."

"But!" Jack said, his voiced raised a note higher. Ianto knew Tosh, Gwen and Owen would have normally laughed at this punishment, but they were already upset with their own punishment they'd completely forgotten.

"You may have got some good footage of me, but that's nothing compared to the footage I'll have of you after you're two months on only instant." Ianto replied with a smug smile.

His colleagues could only watch, stunned, as the Welshman walked away down to the archives, continuing on with his work as though nothing had ever happened.


End file.
